I Just Hope

I don't care if I ever see her again;
I just hope she is okay.

Why does this happen to me, again and again?
I develop feelings for ones that don't want me,
And ones that want me are never accepted in my book.

Its been days since she gave me any form of contact.
All I want to know is that she is alright, and I will go my own way.
Why does she torture me?
I'm really becoming more and more worried...
But I know that if something bad happened,
It probably wouldn't be like this.
So my only conclusion is that she wants to be left alone.

Why?
We had so much fun, hanging out.
I suppose I am blinded by love;
And she doesn't want it.

I even went out of my way to destroy my own potential:
To help her out...
And it turns out
That perhaps I have hurt her just as much as I have hurt myself.
I called myself a friend,
And I helped her get a fix.
Now, I just hope that my actions have not caused her any harm.

I don't know what is up with her.
She returns no form of contact.
I'll try again, in a few days...
And hopefully I will learn that she is fine;
But that she doesn't want to hear from me, again.
I am left in the dark.
I thought I was having good karma,
And it turns out not to be so.

I really thought this one was the most special person
That I have found, in a life time.
Why was I too shy to talk to her in high school?
Why am I so bold that I can speak her name, now?

Am I to be tortured, for the rest of my life?
All I know, is that I have been up to this point,
And it continues.
More and more, do I think of her.
Less and less, do I feel comfort.

I must go back to my original train of thought.
My soul is deemed to be more powerful as long as it remains alone.
I have been happy being alone, for 9 years...
And now this burning desire reunites with my brain.
Why?
I know I am more happy alone...
But she makes me feel closer to myself,
Whenever I am around her.
I can only hope that I do the same:
For her.

It is highly doubtful, at this point;
And I feel the inevitable road of loneliness revealing itself
Once again.

I just hope:
That she is okay.
I just hope:
That she loves me in return.
I'd be fine with her not loving me back,
As long as she is okay.
Why? Why do I torture myself?
Why do I dwell on things?
I must forget about her.
It becomes so apparent that she has forgotten me.
Why am I the one who is constantly in pain?

Push the button!
Can I spin the wheel?
Not until you push the button!

Why do I write this poem?
I care not: who else views it.
I only care about her.
I only care that she reads it, and no one else.
Yet I know that she won't.

I can only hope.



~theMuzzl3

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